Individualism vs. Community

I think one of the things we as a culture need to consider is the whole "self-esteem" push. Yes, each of us matters. Yes, we don't want to base all of our decisions on what other people think. Yes, we should be happy in our own skin and confident in ourselves. No, people shouldn't judge other people. But... Humans do judge. Humans are well known for making snap decisions based on first impressions.


It's all well and good to say, "Be yourself!" but if being yourself involves no personal hygiene you shouldn't be surprised when no one wants to get within ten feet of you. If being yourself means showing no compassion or empathy for others then you aren't going to get very far in life. If being yourself means treating other people as less or as inconsequential then we end up with a lot of the problems we are now suffering from in this world.


I've talked about this with my boys. Other people's opinions of you DO matter. They matter in class, in the workforce, and socially. If a teacher likes you, you will have a better time in that class. If you antagonize your boss or coworkers, work will be miserable. If you don't consider your friends' wants and needs, you will soon find yourself without friends.


One of the big differences between our culture and others where there are more tightly knit community values and smoother social interactions is that those other countries place a HUGE value on respect for others and community as well as recognize that each person's actions affect the community around them.  They understand the concept of manners as social grease and the fact that it is easier for one person to get ahead if the whole group does, that one person alone can do nothing without the community that they grew from.


In America, we idolize the individual, which is great, but what is not great is when it is done at the expense of valuing the community that surrounds each person.  A superstar isn't a superstar in a vacuum.  They have crews, fans, and a social support network.  No one can go it alone and it's high time we as a country wake up to that fact.