Patrons of the Arts Love Patreon

I just launched my Patreon page today and I'm so excited! Patreon is a website which allows people pledge an amount of money each month (as low as $1) to gain access to an artist and their work which then allows the artist more time to focus on actually making art instead of figuring out how to get bills paid. It is a modern platform building on the rich history of the patronage of the arts.

Please visit my Patreon page and think about becoming one of my wonderful patrons who get to be part of the exclusive group that gets access to all of my patron only content like updates about projects, unique arts and crafts, made on request items, art critiques, even lessons!

For those of you who do not already know this, I am a jack-of-all-arts/crafts.  I have a Bachelor of Fine Arts from the University of San Francisco through their co-op program with the Academy of Art College where I specialized in equine oil painting.  Since then I have gone on to own my own arts and crafts business creating many different yarn, fabric, bead, and other sundry crafts over the years.  I have also taught art classes at multiple venues.    

It is my hope that Patreon will give me the incentive to find the time to make more art, the funding to afford that time, and, most importantly, a venue where lovers of arts and crafts can follow me on my journey and get an in-depth view of the creative process.  No artist survives without a community.  I hope you will be a part of mine!

To all guys out there that want to find a woman to spend their life with

A friend posted a video on Facebook, asking if the advice contained was good dating advice.  I know that dating is hard and it’s particularly hard for people with social skills disorders, but it’s ignorant word vomit like that video that messes it up for everyone!  I refuse to link to the video because they certainly do not deserve hits, but here is my response to my friend, unedited and full of shock at the misogynistic stupidity of it.  Warning, cursing is involved.:

It's a complete load of crap. Issue one, they only use the term "girls" not "women" which is immediately condescending. Issue two, they are the whole reason people play games with each other! Holy crap!!! Telling people to play games around dating is the EXACT reason so many people have issues with dating!!! I can see waiting a bit and getting to know them a bit before asking them out on a date and making sure the first date is more along the lines of, "Hey, let's get together and hang out doing this thing we both like" rather than "Let me take you out to a nice restaurant and be all proper date like."

They are basically telling you to do exactly all the wrong things. They are morons. They are teaching all the wrong things to perpetuate the completely sick cycle of other humans as commodities.

In reality, if someone I like does not text me back or ditches me (for no reason, pain doesn't count) it's a really strong mark against allowing that human into my life. They are proving they are not dependable and are rude.

I'm listening to it as I type and seriously, these guys are assholes. They are exactly the entire problem that exists with dating. A girl either likes you for who you are or they don't. Playing games might cause some interest in a very unhealthy way at the very beginning of a relationship, but that is a horrid way to start any long term relationship. Unless you plan to keep up being an asshole the whole time you are with them because that is the person they are getting to know, of course.

HOLY CRAP!!! NO ONE wants to be made jealous!!!! WTeverlovingF????

Notice in the comments there is nothing from women? They obviously screen those comments out. So all it looks like is positive feedback.

The one thing I will give them is that touch is a good tester, but the high five things is dumb a hell. Also some people are touch sensitive. I could see if you have known a lady for a bit of time and feel comfortable together placing a hand on an arm and if she doesn't move away that's a good sign, but it sure as hell isn't a sign that you should go in for a kiss. You can only judge that by the person you are with and their body language. If you stand close and they move away they probably don't want to be close, but that could also be space sensitivity (I'm like that with almost all humans), but if they linger close it's most likely a good sign, unless of course they are space blind. And of course if you screw up and do it in a creepy way, no one would want to be close.

Bottom line, be you and act like you and treat them the way you feel it is right to treat them and women will be interested or not. Give them what you would like or what they seem to act like they would like and let it evolve organically not following some stupid "girl" baiting rules. Trust me, no women you would want to spend your time with would want you to act like these guys suggest. Women you would want to spend your time with are not that shallow and superficial... as a general rule.

Basically if you are looking for dating advice and find something that involves “baiting” “girls” or anything involving the term “PUA” in any way shape or form, run the other direction.  If all you are after is plunging your stick in any random hole, that’s on you, but if you want an actual relationship with a respectable female human that bull won’t help you find a woman in that category.  Even if any of that junk worked on a respectable woman you are getting into a relationship via a lie.  You would not want to be with someone that you didn’t love for who they truly were so don’t do that to someone else.  Lies are not a good way to begin a relationship. Period.  Be YOURSELF!  Believe it or not people will love you for who you are.  If they don’t, you wouldn’t want to spend your life with them anyway!

P.S. Seriously though, don't strive to be an example of the reason why so many women are extra suspicious about men.

Doctors, specialists, and surgeries, oh my! Or why I have to laugh instead of cry

Many know that I've had some stupid health issues going on. It's really been doing a number on my self-esteem and my ability to cope with life in general. I decided to list everything from when the worst of it started, just to get an idea of what I had actually been through. Some minor things happened before this, but this has all happened in the last two years along with a lot of upheaval in my personal life. Putting this all down and seeing it in black and white was both shocking, depressing and uplifting all at once. It's a hell of a lot to go through in two years and, all things considered, I could be a lot worse off at this point. I am so grateful for health insurance and for the doctors that would actually listen, not to mention the people in my life who have stood by me and supported me through all of this. I couldn't have done it without you.

• July 2015 - Visited emergency room with stomach pain that at the time was believed to be related to my gall bladder and was told to see a gastrointestinal specialist.
• August - October 2015 - Massive amounts of tests with the GI specialist ending with a diagnosis of possible IBS and the definite diagnosis of a small hiatal hernia.  Given no meds and told to come back if it gets worse.  At this point I had 24/7 pain between a 3-5 as well as constant nausea and with unpredictable and uncontrollable diarrhea.
• January 2016 - Visited my primary care doctor and begged him to do something, ANYTHING, to help me.  He have me a prescription for Prilosec.  Three days later I was back to normal except for occasional pain or stomach flare ups.
• March 2016 - Diagnosed with severe anemia.  Talked with primary care doctor about switching Prilosec to a medication that was less likely to block iron.  Switched to Pepcid.
• April 2016 - First iron infusion.  Started weight loss medication.
• April 2016 - July 2016 - Hand therapy for carpal tunnel and tendonitis (again... it was my third round of hand therapy since 2012, I believe).
• June 2016 - Bunion surgery.  Intense pain response. Keloid scarring.
• August 2016 - Second iron infusion.  Hysterectomy with a bad pain response and poor recovery needing additional meds and several months more recovery than expected.
• October 2016 - Surgery to remove screws and Keloid scar from my foot.  I’ve now had plastic surgery!
• December 2016 - March 2017 - Physical therapy for my foot.
• March 2017 - May 2017 - Physical therapy for my hip and posture.  Cold laser therapy.
• March 2017 - Emergency scleral banding surgery for a prolapsed retina.  Extreme pain response and an overnight trip to the ER.
• April 2017 -  Asperger’s/high functioning autism diagnosis.  Stopped weight loss medication with a loss of over 30 lbs.  Started the muscle relaxer cyclobenzaprine.
• June 2017 - Fibromyalgia diagnosis.  Started a trial of Lyrica.

Firbromyalgia is:

• Waking up tired and hurting more than when I went to bed.
• Having to schedule recovery days after any day where I exert myself at all.
• Ditto for days when I encounter any stress.
• Doctors not believing my pain levels.
• Considering a pain level of 3 as baseline normal.
• ITCHING for no good reason!
• Cold and tingling feet when it’s 80 degrees outside.
• Never knowing ahead of time how functional I will be on any given day.
• Memory issues even worse than those caused by the brain damage.
• Suddenly struggling to focus on things when I have the ability to hyperfocus.
• Never knowing when my gut will behave itself. (Bonus: This is exacerbated by the hernia.)
• Having to relearn my physical capabilities.
• Trying everything possible to get relief, but only finding a few things that partially help.
• Having to budget my spoons/spells that much more carefully.
• My skin being so sensitive that clothing hurts.
• How does pain burn???
• Relief in knowing that there is an explanation and that it’s not something worse.

A Year of Advocacy Hell

I just found this writing from years ago that never got posted, so I'll share it now.

I figured I would add this for those of you who haven't heard the trials and tribulations we went through to get Wolf into the school he is in now.

In July 2008 I read an article about gifted kids and said "This sounds like Wolf." I went online and did some research (ok, a WHOLE lot of research). It turns out that most kids aren't doing math when they are three, I honestly had no idea that was out of the ordinary. In my research I found out about early Kindergarten entrance and contacted my district to find out if it was an option in our area. Mind you, at that point I wasn't gung ho about placing him in K early, I JUST wanted to know if it was possible. Mid August 2008 I finally found one person in the school district who actually both knew the answer and was not rude to me about it which was a nice change. I was then put in contact with the charter system and told that Wolf could start with one of their schools (homeschool based system) that fall. We had never planned to homeschool so that was an adjustment, but it did make sense for Wolf. Shortly afterwards I was told he could not actually start that fall because the school was full (which the principal of the school later told me was a lie). I was told by the district to homeschool Kindergarten in 08-09 so we did and I just let him go at his own pace.


I quickly realized that a grade skip, in other words starting 1st grade when he was five, would do him a lot of good. It would be a closer academic fit, he was ready for it socially and then he wouldn't have to skip later when there was more social stigma and stress involved. I talked with the principal of the charter schools again to see about getting him placed in first grade in fall 2009. Much hassle ensued and as well as much disbelief in his abilities. The principal finally suggested that I give him grade assessment tests at home. I think they wanted to prove to me that I was seeing things that weren't there, or was pushing him, either way that I was ruining his childhood, etc... I asked what we should do if he aced them, they said come back and get the next level. By the time I asked for grade 3 math they were getting really tired of us.


I checked out several of the charter's programs to see if any of them would work for Wolf. Both Wolf and I were treated rudely by several of the well known and respected teachers we met. Wolf was blatantly talked down to and our interest in the programs was pretty much disregarded as soon as they knew his age. The teacher even said, "Oh, don't worry some of the parents bring their preschoolers so he'll have kids to play with." Seriously? We finally had an appointment with the teacher of the charter he would probably end up in and I spent a half an hour being lectured about how I was not allowing him to be a child. I didn't even get to ask most of my questions about the program. I drove home crying and feeling completely defeated. That was the last straw.


I ended up calling the Independent Study program in the neighboring district. I had talked with them before when we had thought about moving there. I told the teacher all about Wolf and what he could do. She loved the idea of having him as a student. Then I told her the thing that turned everyone else off, he would be five in August 2009. She had no idea what the problem with that was. She said he was my kid and I knew him better than she did. She was willing to take everything I said sight unseen. She also specifically requested that he be her student and was willing to fight to get a transfer to go through if that was what it would take.


We applied for a interdistrict transfer and they were going to make us go through a bunch of red tape since we hadn't even enrolled in our home district yet. However, the person in charge of the process was the first person I had talked to in our home district and I told her exactly what had happened, including all the mistreatment and lies (some of which she had been a part of), and she pushed it through on her end rather than face me going up the chain of command. We had to wait until the day school started before we got the official confirmation that the transfer went through, but it did and Wolf gleefully blasted his way through his first grade work and his second grade math. He even got to study Logic and Spanish to help keep him challenged. He loved it and the fit was perfect.

Wolf actually ended up back in our home district after several years (and an almost complete staff change in the charter program) having rules bent to allow him to to attend the 6-8 grade middle school program when he was enrolled in 5th grade and young fourth grade aged. That happened all thanks to his teacher in the Independent Study program who was retiring and wanted to make sure he ended up someplace that worked for him.

It took a year learning that school districts and a large percentage of school staff are less interested in a child's education than keeping the status quo and fitting all the pegs in their round holes whether or not the pegs themselves are round or square, but we found the perfect fit in the end and that is all that matters.

Us vs. Them: Racism, Religious Prejudice and Violence

It seems like every day at least one article about violence stemming racism, homophobia, or religious prejudice (or all of the above) comes through my newsfeed. I can recognize where the violence and bigotry come from: fear, ignorance, a deep seated sense of powerlessness, and primitive brain defensive mechanisms. Recognizing that doesn’t excuse it though; it condemns it. If we can recognize where these actions come from we, as a supposedly intelligent species, should be able to rise above and be better than this.

We are wired to classify the things in our lives. “Us vs. Them” thinking kept us safe and alive for a very long portion of human history. That which is unknown, or at least unlike the norm, always has the potential to be dangerous simply because we do not know that it isn’t. When we classify a thing as dangerous just because it is different it behooves us to study it to determine if our knee jerk reaction is correct or just an ancient fight or flight reflex. The problem is the way we learn about it can cause just as many problems as the original fear response.

So many people look for things to strengthen their prejudices and discard information that doesn’t with no concern about the reliability of the source of either type of information. They make assumptions without knowing anything about the people or subject involved, or based on just the most superficial of facts. They choose to strengthen their own fears rather than admit that they might be wrong. It’s easier and safer for the ego to vilify the “enemy” than to understand them. The media seems to have been actively supporting this with clickbait headlines, massively polarized articles, and "fake news."

When people don’t have power in their own lives for whatever reason (poverty, lack of education, lack of experience) it is easy to boost themselves up with the belief that they are somehow better than another group or that the other group is the reason for some aspect of their difficulties. When fear and powerlessness come together with the desire to do something about it people lash out, but they lash out where they can feel like they have power. They do not lash out at prey that might fight back and win, instead they attack those who are seen as weaker. They might even spout propaganda, like “The poor Muslim women are subjugated by the evil murderous Muslim men and sharia law!,” but then lash out at the terrifying spectre of Islam and sharia law wherever they can thereby taking control of their fear so as to not feel powerless against it. Adult white “Christian” men attacking Muslim girls and women are a good example of this. They neither see the hypocrisy of this, nor how it blatantly shows their fear and lack of power.

All of us can make steps against this type of fear and ignorance. Recognize your own prejudices and work to move past them. Educate yourself. Don’t believe the clickbait. Check sources. Look for multiple reputable sources. Make your voice heard when people say things that you recognize come from prejudice, ignorance, fear or powerlessness instead of truth. Stop supporting the idea that ignorance, fear, and the need to beef up macho power is an acceptable excuse for appalling verbal and physical behavior. The world is not Christian vs. Muslim, rich vs. poor, nor is it white vs. any other color. Look at it this way, the only Us vs. Them thinking we need to be doing at this point in our evolution is ”informed caring humans vs. those who haven’t reached that point yet” and the goal is not to shun or harm the people who are hiding behind a wall of fear and ignorance, but to inform them and help them past it so we can all work together to make our world a safe place for all people no matter thier color or creed.

They Never Told Me: Ruminations on Aging and Expectations

When I was a little girl I would roll out of bed, brush my teeth and all that, eat breakfast, get dressed (yes, in that order), and go outside and be active, or read, or build things. Other than school, little interfered with my free time. I never forgot what I was doing mid-process. I never was too sad, tired or in pain to want to get out of bed. I never thought ahead to meter out my time and energy so that I could make it through a day. I rarely worried about anything. There was nothing I couldn’t do if I tried.

The picture that is painted of adulthood for children glows brilliant with possibilities and freedom. Kids don’t see work hours and drudgery. They don’t see bills and bank accounts dipping dangerously low. Kids just see money to do things with and no adults telling them what to do or how to be. They don’t see the bosses, co-workers, other parents and community out there placing pressure on adults to adult correctly. Children don’t see doctor visits and pill caddies, medical tests and diagnoses. They don’t see doctors dismissing symptoms and insurance companies refusing medicines. Adults actively work to hide these things from them so as to not scare them about the stability and permanence of the adults in the children’s lives. Kids think everything is superheros and roses until someone grows old and grey and retires; then they go on cruises.

It’s part of the narrative we give children that falls apart as they grow up and the magic fades, along with belief in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus (I still believe though, he’s the Spirit of Giving and I dare anyone to tell me that isn’t alive during Yuletide.) Still, I wish I had known or at the very least had some awareness of how complicated it can be to be an adult. I might have enjoyed my body more while it still ran smoothly and had power and energy. No one tells you that your body might start to malfunction while you are still in what is considered the prime of your life. There is no guidebook available for the transition from capable to struggling.

Even other adults brush it aside with platitudes because everyone has aches and pains when they get older, you see. It can’t really be that bad, after all everyone gets tired now and then. Everyone gets sad and worries about things. Just cheer up and you’ll feel better. Adults are expected to suck it up and deal. We are supposed to get on with the adulting and not let things like chronic pain, fatigue, depression or anxiety affect us. Even other adults don’t want to face the reality of chronic conditions before retirement age: eyes closed, fingers in the ears, la la la la la la…

The thing is that it really is just life, but it’s a part of life that people hide. It’s not currently “normal” in modern society so we don’t want to see it or hear about it. There was a time when children grew up around birth, aging, and death. They lived life as part of the cycle, not apart from the cycle. Heck, they used to know that beef came from a cow, not from a pack at the market. Kids only know and accept what they are exposed to.

If we stopped hiding the less pleasant possibilities of life from, not just kids, but also adults, I can see life changing for the better for many people. I’m not saying to shove down children’s throats that being an adult can be difficult and that you never know when your health will fail, just stop hiding it. Stop pretending that everyone can do everything, all the time, perfectly. If it became accepted that some people just don’t have the energy or capability to be running their type A personality game 24/7/365 and we just started accepting that people will do the best within their abilities at that moment think of how much smoother life would run and how much happier everyone would be with less pressure to live up to.

Why I Hate Ground Wasps

Figuring I should be a good mom and conscript the children into forced labor in the not quite boilingly hot outdoors we went out to clear brush, move wood, and other such necessary home ownerly tasks. They are good boys, so there was no complaining about the conscription. Everything was going smoothly, although I did realize I probably should have had coffee, pain killers and a muscle relaxer first.

Then Little Bear stepped on a ground wasp nest. Well, more specifically, he stepped on the unstacked wood pile near where his brother had been working and the wood pile settling seemed to have started demolition proceedings on the nest. Needless to to say neither ground wasps nor Little Bear were at all pleased with this and much screaming and running about ensued.

This isn't the first time Little Bear and I have dealt with ground wasps. Several years ago we had an altercation with them when his school was on a hike so we already knew this was going to suck. I had him run into the house with them chasing him and then got his brother and myself into the house without any of the flying sadists. I had Little Bear strip off his pants on the back deck because that is where they had decided to go after him, straight up his pants... He was then sent to the kitchen. No tagalongs yet, but at least two bites and much screaming and tears.

A friend had just stopped by to pick up someone and offered to help so I had them go search for plantain while I found baking soda. They didn't find any, but in the meantime more screaming ensued. It turns out Little Bear had managed to bring one of his new friends inside with him and said friend was busy doing all sorts of damage through his sweatshirt! Like any good mom would do I panicked and tried to remain calm (yah, right) and got a paper towel and squished the guts out of the nasty bugger. Then we stripped everything off of him just to make sure he was bug free.

After coating him with baking soda, counting about 5-7 possible welts, and finding out our wasp death spray was empty, I went off in search of plantain partially because I knew Little Bear wouldn't be consoled until I found it even with advil and icepacks and partially because plantain really is a miracle cure for stings. I knew there was some at my older son's school so that is where I went, still no coffee and in my house grubbies and bra-less because, you know, that's what moms do.

I came home with handfuls of leaves, way more than I could possibly need, to find him still standing in the kitchen with icepacks, flaked off baking soda littering the ground around him, clutching his special stuffies, and still crying. I poulticed him up in the ancient fashion of chopped and pounded leaves covered with bandaids. Turns out there were only three real welts left after we washed off the baking soda. I'm drying the rest of the leaves I hastily harvested in case this happens again. Then we will get the chance to learn if dried leaves even work.

Then I cleaned the kitchen and had coffee. Definitely need to remember coffee before ground wasp attack next time, if there is a next time. Little Bear seems intent on no longer interacting with nature unless forced at gun point, but I deal with that particular issue once he heals.

Finding the best answers to your questions

One of the most important skills you will ever learn in your life is figuring out which questions to ask and when to ask them to get the answers you need. You will never learn how to do much of anything in your life if you do not learn how to ask questions and, not only that, but learn to question the answers you get in return.

For instance, "I want to learn about apples." is not a question. It is a statement. "Teach me about apples!" is also not a question. It is a command, even if you add the word please. Think about what you really want to ask. "Can you teach me about apples?" Okay, now you are getting closer to the question you really want answered. "Will you teach me about apples?" Even closer, but the topic at hand is a large one. Look for where you actually want to start learning. A good question to start working with is "What makes an apple good to use in an apple pie?" This question is a good question because it is specific and gives the person you are talking with an idea of what you are actually interested in learning.

Here's another example. Say you want to learn how to bake bread. First of all you would find someone that knows how (the right person). Then you would wait until they have the time to help you and a place ready to show you how to bake bread. You would try to read up a little ahead of time if you can and show up well rested and ready to learn, hopefully without any preconceptions (the right place and time). Now you could ask them what the chemical structure of bread is, why it browns when it bakes, or what type of butter to use on it, but none of these are very good questions to help you towards your goal of learning how to bake bread. True it might be useful information, but you can always learn the answers to those questions later once you have learned the basics. So your first questions should be, "What are the ingredients we use?" and "How do we start?" two specific and useful questions.

A good question asked at the right time to the right person helps the person answering it almost as much as it helps the person asking it. If the person you are asking questions to has no idea of your level of knowledge of the subject or your specific area of interest they cannot help you nearly as well as they could if they knew these things. Good questions are one way of helping a person understand what you want to know and what level of difficulty you want it explained at.

The Curse of Invisible Illnesses

The hardest thing about having an invisible illness (other than coping with the illness itself) is that people do not understand the symptoms and can judge others for them. This happens even within communities of people who have the same, or similar, invisible illnesses or who are caretakers for people with them. The problem is in so many cases symptoms manifest differently for different individuals even if they suffer from the same illness. In addition to that, people expect certain behaviors and actions to mean certain things. On top of the challenge living with the invisible illness, people need to navigate the often rocky roads of social interaction that are only made more treacherous by their condition.

Invisible illnesses affect people's interactions with others on a daily basis. People who do not live with these challenges often have trouble understanding how much it can limit the person with the illness or how different that person's experience of the world is from theirs. When someone is affected more or less by their illness than another person it can change the entire experience making one person's life completely different from the life of another with the same diagnosis.

Take, for example, two individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorder. One might be non-verbal and have some mental delay, but be able to adjust to change and deal with chaos, while another could be brilliant, but meltdown over the slightest change in schedule and be unable to eat food with any texture to it. These are extremes, but you can see how the two individuals would have very little understanding of the other's struggles even though they have the same disorder. You could make the same comparisons for anxiety, depression, and even physical conditions like Chron's or hiatal hernias. While the majority of individuals will have similar symptoms those on the extremes or those with multiple conditions or complications will have very different experiences than the norm.

Society depends on social constructs. For example, white lies are considered just part of life to most people, the grease for society's wheels. “How are you?” is answered by, “I'm fine and you?” whether or not the person is actually feeling fine. How about when a person, say with autism, does not understand the concept of lying? When every answer is the straight truth? That person is thought to be rude, abrupt, and lacking in manners, maybe even self-centered, but that is just how they are. There is no intent to upset the people they are talking with. So something that sounds positive, difficulty lying, becomes something that sets the person apart from others and not in a positive way.

Most people read others' actions based on their experience of the world and within the framework of societal constructs. This works most of the time for most people until complications like invisible illnesses are thrown in. The easiest way to avoid the problems that can spring from this is to not judge, specifically to not immediately judge negatively. Consider what could cause the person to do what they are doing beyond what your knee-jerk reaction to it is. Ask them if the motivation for an action is unclear and then believe them when they tell you. Most important of all, never tell the person they do not have the challenges they say they do or place moral judgment on them for actions necessitated by their invisible illness (like canceling plans due physical or mental complications, not understanding subtle cues, meltdowns, panic attacks, etc). Dealing with the physical and emotional impact of invisible illnesses is hard, throwing in having to dodge the misunderstanding of others based on it is something most people never expect when they get their diagnosis.

There is a wonderful article, The Spoon Theory, that explains part of what living with an invisible illness is like: http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/…/writt…/the-spoon-theory/

What is Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)?

Many people have heard of autism, but there is a lot of misunderstanding about what it actually is. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is a developmental disability that currently affects approximately 1% of the world population and about 1 in 68 children in the United States. ASD is an umbrella term that includes the previous diagnoses of autistic disorder, Asperger syndrome, PDD-NOS (pervasive developmental delay - not otherwise specified) and childhood disintegrative disorder. Boys are diagnosed with ASD at a much higher frequency than girls, although this may be due to misunderstanding of symptoms in girls therefore underdiagnosing them. ASD is a lifelong disorder. It is not something a child will “grow out of” and early intervention can greatly improve a child’s long term life experiences.

What classifies a person as having ASD is trouble with social communication and a need for repetitive behaviors. People with ASD range from being significantly impacted by their disorder to highly functioning and can range from severely mentally challenged to brilliantly gifted. No two people with ASD will show exactly the same symptoms. Only a very small percentage of people with ASD are savants.

Some things that are common in people with ASD are:
- Lack of eye contact
- Trouble relating to other people in a "normal" way
- Trouble expressing themselves, particularly emotionally or in social settings
- Fixed and repetitive behaviors
- Intense interest in a single or limited number of (often quite unique) topics
- Trouble adapting to changes in routine
- Odd speech patterns or speech delay
- Taking everything literally, trouble understanding figurative language or pretend play
- Abnormal reactions to sensory input
- Stimming (repetitive behaviors that are either self-soothing or in response to intense emotions)

Children are often diagnosed when their parents and pediatricians see that they are not reaching the same milestones other children their age should be meeting, although some children are diagnosed when they start losing skills they had already acquired. Although moderate to severe cases are often diagnosed by the age of two, many children, especially those who are less impacted by the disorder, are not diagnosed until much later. Some people are not diagnosed until they are adults.

There are many other conditions that are comorbid with ASD. Many people also have seizure disorders, sleep problems, stomach conditions, mental health issues, and sensory processing disorder to list a few. Due to autistic symptoms (like being non-verbal or processing sensory input differently) it is often hard to diagnose comorbid conditions in individuals with autism and in many cases they are written off as “part of the autism” when they are actual separate issues.

Although there is no completely established cause for ASD yet, there has been research and we are currently learning more about what might cause it. Although originally it was believed to be caused by lack of emotional connection by the mother, that is no longer believed to be a cause. It is believed that there is a genetic component to ASD. It has been shown that if a child has a sibling with ASD they are more likely to have it themselves and it does tend to run in families. It has also been shown that ASD is most likely triggered during gestation or shortly after birth. Children who are premature or low birth weight, born to older parents or to mothers who took certain drugs or had certain complications during pregnancy are more likely to develop ASD. Although there is a huge debate about a link between vaccines and autism, many large studies have been done and, as of now, the science stands firmly behind no link. The CDC is currently doing a large, ongoing study called SEED (Study to Explore Early Development) in hopes of finding out more information about the cause.

Many people are dismayed at an ASD diagnosis, but unless functioning is highly impaired and there is significant mental delay many, if not most, people diagnosed with ASD can live full lives, going to school, working, marrying and having children of their own. A diagnosis just explains why things are different with a person and allows the people around them to give them the support they need to thrive. There are many interventions and supports available to people on the spectrum today. People with ASD are just experiencing this world in a different way than the rest of the population.

Sources for details that were not already stored in my brain:
https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/autism/index.html
http://www.autism-society.org/what-is/facts-and-statistics/
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/autism-spectrum-disorders-asd/index.shtml

Weight Loss: I finally met my goal weight

Most of my life, I wasn't the type of person who really cared about what I ate or what I weighed, although I knew that staying at a healthy weight was important. I wore what felt good and looked acceptable to me. I wasn't concerned about the number on the clothes or the brand. I knew I was healthy enough to be as active as I wanted to be. That was really all that mattered.

I had been raised with my parents thinking I was fat and trying to fix the problem, in both subtle and not-so-subtle ways. My mom just flat out told me I was fat and needed to lose weight, but also insisted I eat whatever was put in front of me and fed me way more food that I needed. My dad did things like talk about how clothing styles and hair cuts affected how people looked, or what camera angles were flattering. He also cooked in the healthiest way he could in the 80's and 90's (if you tried to eat “healthy” then you will understand how unpleasant that can be), both to help his health issues and to improve my weight. I, however, never really cared that much, beyond just accepting I must be fat. However it did train some seriously unhealthy things into my world view.

When I came home from college for a visit, I saw a picture of myself from senior year up in my allergist's office, but I had no idea it was me at first. It was a familiar person, a pretty girl, I must have known her, but she couldn't be me since I was fat and she was definitely not. When I realized it was me, I was in shock. I had never seen myself like that, as “pretty,” not as “fat,” and the two terms were definitely not meant to go together. The me I saw in the mirror had never looked slender and attractive like that. I realized then I hadn't actually been fat when I was in high school. I had been 5'7 and wore a size 10. I walked and/or biked miles daily. I was strong. I had been perfectly healthy and completely convinced I was fat. The problem was, by that point, I was decidedly on the route to officially being fat (thank you, college cafeteria food) and my innate view of myself in the mirror was permanently warped to view what I saw as fat and unacceptable.

I got engaged in 1999 and, like many women, decided to lose weight to look as good as possible for the big day. I already did martial arts, but I focused on it more and tried to eat healthier. I also joined a group called TOPS (Taking Off Pounds Sensibly) with a friend of mine and weighed myself for the first time in years. I was 205.5lbs the day of that first meeting and I knew I had already lost some weight before making it to that meeting. The last weight I remembered weighing was 165lbs and that was during my senior year of high school, five years prior.

Around that time a picture was taken of me that reinforced my decision. I had no idea I looked like that! I knew I was overweight, but I really looked fat. I took it as good incentive and that that first year in TOPS I lost 15lbs. I stayed in TOPS, actively trying to lose weight and was working construction, but I when I got pregnant around three and a half years later I weighed exactly the same weight I did at my wedding, after many ups and downs on the scale.

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes during both of my pregnancies and learned a lot about nutrition and healthy eating. I also learned that after two bouts of gestational diabetes my chances of getting Type 2 within ten years of the birth of my second child were well over 80%. I also managed to keep my pregnancy weight gain down to an reasonable amount, around 25lbs with the first and 20lbs with the second, and lost most of it between pregnancies and a lot of it after the second.

At that point, I started having health issues, many of which I learned could be eased by weight loss, and I kept trying and trying to lose the weight while struggling with one health issue after another. I kept a food journal about 90% of the time since 1999. I stayed with TOPS for close to a decade. I tried pills, many kinds. I tried exercise. I tried teas. I tried fad diets. I tried cleanses. I tried life style changes. I read books. I monitored my calories. By 2016, I had been keeping under 1400 mostly healthy calories a day with sensible exercise for three years and I had gained ten pounds in that time. The entire time I had been constantly obsessed with food and disgusted with my physical appearance. Body dysmorphia is a painful struggle, no matter what other people see, all you can see is a warped and awful image of yourself.

A previous specialist had suggested a weight loss medication, but I didn't like the idea of just taking more pills. Between my health issues and the continued weight gain though, I decided to look into it. At this point I was sent to a nurse practitioner who specialized in weight loss. She checked me for underlying health conditions and found some. She put me on a slightly lower calorie count while we dealt with that and then started me on phentermine, a prescription amphetimine used for weight loss, because it was the cheapest option (my insurance wouldnt cover any of the weight loss medications and I didn't have much money to spare). Normally it can only be prescribed for three months, but in her program she can prescribe it for six. I had to see her monthly, have my blood pressure carefully monitored and had to have an EKG before I started on them. I was also told I could eat as few as 1000 calories a day during this time.

I was prescribed phentermine for six months, but it took almost nine months to make it through all of them due to taking a month off for the sake of my blood pressure and having to stop for awhile before and after surgeries (I had three in that time span). When I started in this nurse practitioner's program I weighed 206lbs. My highest weight ever had been around 230lbs. The lowest I ever made it to before was 180lbs. My goal weight had fluctuated through the years as well, depending on which doctor I talked to. It had been as low as 150lbs and as high as 165lbs This one told me staying between 170lbs and 175lbs should be a good healthy weight for me.

Now, after a short stint being pre-diabetic, my youngest son is nearly ten and I am very definitely not diabetic. In fact, on January 21, 2017 I hit the top of my weight range goal. I weighed 10 lbs more than when I was a senior in high school. When I get to the bottom of my range that will only be 5 lbs more. I feel as though I look “right” in clothes now, like the image I see matches the one in my mind. I don't look like I did in high school, of course, and there are some changes that came with weight loss that bother me, but I am lighter and healthier and I finally made it!

1. Keep a food diary, preferably online so it can track the calories for you. Measure your portions and write the food in your diary before you eat it. Write down everything you put into your body that has calories. You will be amazed at how aware you become of what you put into your body and when. Find problem times and/or foods and come up with acceptable alternate options. Always serve yourself a single portion instead of eating out of a bag or box.

2. There are no bad foods, just bad quantities. A slice of cake is fine, an entire cake, not so much. If you buy high quality treats and eat a single portion slowly, truly giving yourself the time to savor the flavors and textures, you might find you need less to feel satisfied than if you mindlessly shovel down cheap options. Spending the money on high quality treats can also make you value them more and try to make them last longer before you have to buy more. Restricting a specific food, unless you have an allergy, almost guarantees you will cheat and then blame your “poor will power” and yourself for it. If you want chocolate, have it! (I did pretty much every day the year I reached my goal.) Just have a single serving (or less) of high quality chocolate and give yourself the time to enjoy it.

3. Work with a doctor. There are many underlying health issues and medications that can make losing weight difficult or even cause you to gain weight. Make sure you are not struggling needlessly against your own body. Get a healthy weight goal range for your age and build from your doctor. Dress size and BMI are not the end all be all and your doctor will be able to give you a truly healthy weight goal as well as a sensible and safe daily calorie limit.

4. Taking in fewer calories than you use is how you lose weight. Have a calorie limit and try to keep under it the majority of the time. Exercise, but don't panic if you aren't spending an hour a day sweating. Exercise is necessary and good for your health, but recent studies have shown that it is not as important to weight loss as people thought. Generally the calorie burn from exercise, unless you are obsessively exercising, is too low to affect weight loss significantly. I reached my goal weight when I was the least physically active I have ever been due to two foot surgeries and an abdominal surgery, so you can't blame physical inactivity for lack of weight loss.

5. Last but most important, you are human and therefore imperfect and that is just fine! You don't need to be perfect to lose weight and be healthy. You just need to meet your goals more often than you don't. You wouldn't chew out your best friend for eating too much at a party, so don't do it to yourself. You would tell your friend that they will do better, no one is perfect, it's a process, they are doing good most of the time, and so on. Don't treat yourself any worse than you would treat your best friend.

Before

At goal weight

Sesame Street's New Muppet with Autism, Julia

Many, perhaps most, people in the autism community know that Sesame Street has introduced a new muppet, Julia, who is on the autism spectrum. It has drawn a lot of attention, both positive and negative. Some people are glad that it shows a more realistic autism than movies like Rain Man. Others are upset that it didn't get into the harder aspects of the disorder, like diapering older children and violent outbursts, feeling like Julia doesn't show thier life with autism. The things is everyone on the spectrum is different and Sesame Street is a show for children. Julia's role is to help preschool children learn how to make friends with people who are different in ways they don't understand. She is there to teach understanding, inclusion, and acceptance of differences.

There is almost no situation where everyone will be perfectly pleased with anything in this world. When you are discussing a topic as vast and complicated as autism spectrum disorder that problem just gets magnified. There is no way to make a character who has all the complexities, issues, comorbidities, strengths and complications that can be involved with the whole spectrum of the disorder. What does get included for public consumption on screen has to be all about the audience and the goal of the show and character.

I watched the original segment and it had me in tears. It shows the things my Little Bear does as different, but okay, and as something to understand and accept rather than something to hide away and pretend doesn't exist. He is ten now and I still take my Little Bear away, often with special stuffies just like Juila, when he is melting down for whatever reason. Loud sounds used to break him down almost exactly like the siren did Julia; they still do on hard days. I still coach him through deep breathing to calm him down during meltdowns. This show changes autism from some scary "other" to avoid into just differences in a friend. Once again Sesame Street is teaching inclusion and friendship. This is why Julia is so special to my heart.

Someone has to pick and choose what to include, what to explain, what to just show, and how the interactions will go. Theater is so much easier than real life on the spectrum because it is all scripted. Someone is in charge of every detail. A soap opera will get a very different character than a show for preschoolers. A documentary will have a very different feel than a fictional romance or a cartoon. Rather than have issues that a preschool show puppet character is not as severely affected as any one particular person with autism, we should applaud the fact that a show as influential as Sesame Street has a character with autism who is noticeably affected by the disorder. It isn’t a teen boy with a couple minor quirks who gets the girl in the end, but a child with meltdowns who echoes and is only somewhat verbal. This is a huge step forward, a huge preschool sized step, but childhood is where everything starts.