Car Accident

On August 19th at 1 am in the morning we were driving back from a friend's house. My friend Rena was driving. She has a permit and is pretty much ready to take her driving test. We went around a corner at 45 mph (the speed limit) and there was a skunk in the road. She swerved to miss it, went off the road but corrected and would have gotten us up back on the road if the electrical pole had been about eighteen inches to the right. As it was it buried itself into the passenger side hood with a spare foot and a half between it and the windshield and, by default since I was the passenger, my face.

The air bags went off. We both had our seat belts on, thank god or I would be dead right now. We had both lost our glasses. Rena was really traumatized so I called 911 and gave them the information I could. A couple of people came by and left when they realized we'd called 911. A couple of other people stayed and waited with us and were annoyed that the other people had left us alone.

The official people showed up and got Rena out of the car. I was another matter however. They couldn't open my door far enough to get me out that way and my side was a steep hill down to a bunch of trees. They seemed a bit worried about that. They also seemed a bit worried that the power lines might end up dropping on us, so they wanted me out quickly. They kept talking about it and I kept telling them I would prefer they not talk about scary things around me. They put a neck brace on me and ended up getting me onto a backboard and pulling me out of the driver side door.

Back boards do not feel stable. Neither do gurneys on uneven roads. They tied me down to the board, which actually felt reassuring since I felt so unstable on the thing and then got me into the ambulance. Rena and I got to go in the same ambulance. The EMT taped our heads down to our boards. Rough roads when you are strapped down to a back board are quite unpleasant and the ride to the hospital was close to 30 minutes long. We weren't bad off enough for sirens. Rena seemed to be doing ok. She was joking with the EMT and that made me feel better. I was trying to keep conscious, but it wasn't easy.

We got to be in the same room at the hospital as well. A doctor took a look at us and told me I needed x-rays and CT scans because I might have broken ribs, a broken sternum, or broken clavicle and internal bleeding. I was pretty far along the road to a full blown panic attack at this point. I have anxiety issues, have had panic attacks, and have a severe phobia of hospitals, doctors and needles. In fact most of my panic attacks have been caused by one or more of those phobias.

Shortly after the doctor left one of the nurses told me he was going to start an IV. I told him no he wasn't. Well actually it was more like I just started wailing NO NO NO NO NO. Hello full blown panic attack. Now, I had told them that I had anxiety issues and phobias so they should have realized what was happening and dealt with it professionally. Fat chance. Ever wonder WHY I have the phobias I have? He just roughly said that I had to have an IV and I had better just calm down and deal with it. He might as well have told a diabetic to not be diabetic while shoving sugar down their throat. There is no way I can control a panic attack when it gets full blown. It's a fight against the fight or flight reflex and huge rushes of adrenaline. Someone finally let Dragon in there to try and help calm me down. He had brought two of my special stuffed animals to help me get through it.

I finally managed to hold one of my arms still so that he could try to start the IV. He was horrible at it. He tried twice, fishing around in my arm with the needle both times. I was pouring sweat and browning out, my normal reaction to needles, but worse since he was totally screwing it up. On top of that he was blaming ME for him sucking at his job. I was staying perfectly still and he said it was my fault because I was tense. Ok, I was having a panic attack but managing to stay perfectly still for him to do something horribly torturous to me and it was MY fault? Yah right. I told him to stop and that I wanted someone else to do it if they were going to try again. They finally got someone else who listened to Dragon and put the IV port in my hand on the first try with no problems.

They took Rena for x-rays and when she got back she got to get off of her back board. By this point both of our butts were numb and my lower back was in a lot of pain as was the back of my head where it was being pressed against the backboard. I was really starting to panic even more because I couldn't move and my back was spasming. My right leg was convulsing and there was nothing I could do about it. They finally took me to x-ray and took at least five of them. I kept asking if I could have some pain meds or water. They kept telling me I could have more pain meds later. The problem was that no one had given me ANY pain medication up to that point. I tried to explain that, but they ignored me. Eventually I got to go back to the room. I thought I would be allowed to get off the back board, but they still needed to do CT scans and wouldn't let me move or tell me the results of the x-rays.

I tried to shift a little to relieve the pain in my back and I was told to stop moving. I told them I understood why I wasn't supposed to move, but that my back was in a lot of pain because the muscles were cramping. They just tightened the lower straps which made me yelp since it tightened the top a bit as well. The top strap went over my right sternum and clavicle and shoulder, exactly where the doctor was concerned I had broken bones. I asked the nurse to loosen it since it hurt so badly. Her response was to grab the upper strap and YANK it as tight as she could. I screamed and begged her to loosen it. Her response was to say, "Fine, I won't touch you anymore" and leave it like that as I cried and whimpered. Dragon was speechless and Rena wanted to deck her (I found out later).

They finally gave me some pain medication and an anti-nausea drug through the IV and untied me from the back board. After that they took me to get the CT scans done. That wasn't too bad since the pain meds were kicking in and I could actually move so that my back wasn't screaming in pain. They took four CT scans and gave me this weird stuff that would make my blood show up in the scan. I was really cold as it went in, but then made my whole body feel weirdly warm and tingly.

We spent quite a bit more time in the room waiting for the doctor to ok us to leave. I still didn't have my glasses. No one had found them at the accident site. That didn't help my mood at all since I can't see without them and have no depth perception. I was finally given some water to drink.

By the time we left it was nearly 6 am, but it was just bruises and scrapes, not broken bones or internal injuries. I could so easily have been dead. Seat belts really do save lives.

Shard Review

If you don't already know this, Dragon owns a gaming store and gaming is pretty much a part of our everyday life. The bonus to this is that I get to hear about and try out a bunch of new games. The most recent one I've gotten the chance to play is a role playing game called Shard. I have played a ton of different systems over the years, but I think Shard already ranks up there as one of my favorites.

The system is very role-playing oriented which is a wonderful change, although the combat system is well thought out and plays very intuitively once you get the hang of it. The magic system is a big shift from the classic fireball style one, being based in ceremonies and a sort of astral type dream realm, but it really gives people the chance to do what they want without having to worry about specific spells and doesn't seem like it will get overpowered too easily. Everything basically comes down to descriptions, cinematics and dice rolls, pretty much in that order.

By far the biggest differences between Shard and the other games I have played are the characters and the world. It is a truly unique gaming universe and that is something that is hard to find. The characters are called Zoics and are basically anthropomorphic creatures. You won't find people playing dragons though, it's all based on actual living animals so researching your character type is really simple and you don't have to go with a flat template. Character building is a points based system that makes it very easy to get a character with the animal type you like, the skills you want, and some fun advantages and drawbacks to go along with all of it.

The world is simply amazing and unbelievably well thought out. There is a complete history, mythology, and social and political structure. Rather than being the same old castles and knights or sci-fi setting, Dardunah (the world) has more of an Eastern feel and a very distinct class system that is built into character creation. Rather than animals the creatures that inhabit the world are insectoid. All in all it is perfect for a GM with a good imagination to go nuts with.

I love the fact that the system lends itself so well to detailed role playing instead of hack and slash. Not that you can't find things to chop a part if you want to, there's just so much more to it than that.

The broken foot that never ends

So after six weeks in a cast, it finally came off and I was told I would have to wear a walking cast for six more weeks. Not only that, but I can't actually walk on it, only stump along on my heel. Oh and instead of getting a final response on whether or not it will need surgery, I have to wait till the walking cast comes off to find that out. It seems the bone isn't healing well and my bones are shaped a bit weirdly just to make it worse. Positive thoughts are appreciated.

My book is up for sale!!!

https://www.createspace.com/3458647

I'm SO thrilled about this. I hope it is the start of a list of published books.

Fourth of July Family Reunion

It was an adventure to say the least. To start with we missed our plane, but managed to get another flight... the next day... at an airport over an hour away from the one we were currently at. If we went home we would have to leave by four am-ish to make sure we didn't miss the new flight. I came up with the idea to go to San Francisco and visit the Exploratorium with the boys and then waste a bunch of time possibly with friends in that area, crash at the airport and not miss the new flight.

Everyone was good with the plan. Neither Dragon, his sister or the boys had ever been to the Exploratorium before and they have a ball. I got to zip around in a wheel chair (still have the cast). All is all that went over very well. Of course since the Exploratorium is the best place on earth I wasn't surprised about that. unfortunately we couldn't hook up with any of our friends, but still managed to waste a bunch of time and have fun just hanging out before finally heading to the airport.

The flights went well. Bear and wolf not only survived them, but loved them, although the final flight home made Bear have a tantrum over his ears not popping. However once we got to Amarillo my patience finally ran out when faced with a rental van coated in sticky kid prints (not mine), an infant seat (Bear is three) and then a broken car seat and booster seat. Trying to install them the van decided to bite a huge chunk out of the knee of my working leg just to top things off. We won't even get into the incompetence of the people at the McDonald's we stopped at... As I said my patience was gone by then.

Other than that the trip was great. It was wonderful to see all of Dragon's family and the boys had a ball with their cousins. The country is gorgeous. we saw the fourth biggest electric generating windmill. The food was amazing and "safe and sane" didn't even come close to describing the fireworks we set off. Mortars, M180's, bottle rockets, you name it we had it in spades.

Casts and airplanes don't mix. That caused quite a bit of pain, but I survived it and overall the trip was a success, even with the set backs.

A break would be nice

So I currently have a broken foot that I can't walk on for at least another five weeks and that's if I manage to not have surgery. It is amazing how difficult it is to take care of two little boys when you can't walk. It is really nice how wolf is stepping up and helping out when I ask him though.

Bear has started seeing a counselor and I'm finally resigning myself to the idea that there is a very good chance he is on the autism spectrum. He is on the high functioning end, but I've been told not to be surprised if he is diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome when he gets older. It could be much worse all things considered, but it's still hard to wrap my mind around. Knowing all of this hasn't made living with him much easier, but the counselor is giving me some good advice on how to shift our parenting practices to work with the way his brain works.

On an amusing note, Wolf has started EPGY a program put out by Stanford for bright kids. He actually asks to do his math homework even though it is summer. He also asked my recently how to say zombie in Greek. Only my child!!!

It's been a while

A lot has happened since the last time I wrote, which is probably why its been so long since I've written anything.

Some quick updates: Wolf did not make it into the Davidson program, but we'll be sending them more info soon that might make a difference. Bear has finally been referred for an Occupational Therapy Evaluation and an evaluation by a child psychologist. I am now the Committee Chair for Cub Scout Pack 654.

We also found out the Social studies book we've been using with Wolf was actually a third grade book not a first grade one.

Now for the fun stuff:

Wolf just figured out division in his head with no real prior explanation! He had to figure out the factors of 60 and said, "Well, 3 goes into 6 twice, but then there's the zero." I jumped in and showed him how it works on paper and he got it immediately. He was so proud of himself and can't wait to tell his ISP teacher the next time he sees her.

Speaking of which, his teacher copied out the last page of his last fractions book (the first in a series of four books our school system uses to bring remedial high school students up to speed) and brought it to the high school math teacher. (I love her sense of humor!!!). She showed it to the poor unsuspecting teacher who looked it over and said, "Looks like the kid has dyslexia." Wolf's teacher said something along the lines of, "That's not the problem, the number reversal is age appropriate. The student is 5." High school teacher's jaw hit the floor according to Wolf's teacher. She added, "You're going to be seeing him in a couple of years." To which the high school teacher responded, "Nope, he'll probably skip right past me." She was curious what Wolf's teacher did with a kid like that. I think the response was, "I'm not sure, but it's working so far." LOL!

Homeschooling really isn't that hard or why duplo blocks make good molecules

When we started Wolf in the Independent Study Program I thought it would be a lot of work, but that's not how it is turning out. In all actuality I do almost no "official" teaching. We just read his worksheets, he gets the concept and does the work. I almost never have to explain anything more than once or in a different way for him to "get" it.

We read science magazines, watch Mythbusters and Dirty Jobs and read chapters out of his social studies book every so often. We work in the garden, go for walks, go to martial arts and Cub Scout meetings. He soaks up so much information just by living. More than anything else we do, we talk.

The other day a friend of ours who is really into molecular biology asked Wolf if he wanted to learn about it and, when Wolf said yes, proceeded to go on about it for at least ten to fifteen minutes. Afterward, on our way home, I asked wolf if he wanted me to draw him some pictures to explain what our friend had been talking about, which he did. At home we had a lesson on molecules and how atoms go together to make them. We talked about electrons, protons and neutrons and electrons. We talked about the different states of matter and how the movement of molecules was related to that. Then he asked, "If atoms make up molecules and protons and neutrons make up atoms, what are atoms made of?" I said I'd go into that later! Then he asked, "Well what happens when things break?" I told him I'd get back to him on that.

I went online to a forum that deals with kids like Wolf and Bear and asked for a simple way to explain that. I got several responses, including one that was junior college level. That was the one I ended up working with. A couple days later I pulled out the Duplo blocks and explained that they were molecules. Each molecule has a positive and negative section which is how they fit together. When things break it's that bond between the two that breaks and I broke apart the blocks. Then I explained that if you take a hammer to one of the blocks it stops being a block and becomes a pile of plastic bits. That is basically what happens when a molecule is broken apart into its constituent atoms. It's a lot harder to do than just breaking the bonds between molecules. Wolf got it all right away.

Then we went into chemical reactions, like having a fire in the fire place...

Then we went online and found out what makes up protons and neutrons...

His first grade science book (we finished the workbook in a month or so) goes into solid, liquid and gas. No details mind you, just the terms and very basic concepts. Molecules aren't mentioned anywhere.

SPD, SID, DSI Oh My!

So it is mostly official, Bear has Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD) also know as Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID or DSI) and by several other names. What this means in the most basic terms is that we aren't bad parents and he isn't a bad kid, he just has a bit of a short circuit that makes dealing with things that other people take for granted (like basic transitions) very difficult. It also means that there are ways to help him cope with it and possibly even eventually make it easier for him rather than just something that has to be coped with.

The poster child for SPD/SID is the kid that can't handle tags in their shirts, socks whose seams sit wrong, any clothing other than sweats and more than a few simple foods. Another would be the kid who flies around the room banging into things, has no sense of fear and can spin or swing for hours and hours and hours (literally). Then there is the kid who can't handle bright lights, loud noises, or crowds.

The main way it presents in Bear is that he has a very abnormal difficulty with transitions and new places or people. His way of showing this is through horrible screaming tantrums that he often doesn't have the emotional control to calm down out of. He will tantrum over leaving the house to go to music class (which he loves) or when we attempt to change his clothes. He will tantrum when there is an unavoidable change in his schedule. He will tantrum when anything in his world is not ordered in the way he feels it is supposed to be.

Of course it also depends on the day. Some days are fine and some days are horrible. That's one of the interesting things about SPD, it doesn't show the same way all the time. It's like he has a frustration meter and some days he starts with it already almost full while other days it is empty.

The other “fun” thing about SPD is that it isn't officially recognized as a stand alone disorder. It should be soon, but until then insurance companies tend not to support it and government agencies will not provide support for it. Basically this means that unless Bear has something else with initials he probably won't be able to get any support from the school district even though this will affect his ability to function in a class setting. As it is he missed qualifying for our state's early intervention program (up to age 3) by 5%. I was told that if the testers had seen him tantrum he would have qualified. I was also told that he would have qualified if he had been tested earlier in the year before the laws changed.

The occupational therapy (OT) that we have learned about is helping, which is nice. One of his favorite OT things is to be gathered up in a blanket and swung around. It actually helps him get calm enough to sleep. In fact he's actually slept through the night two days in a row now. I've also found that tossing him around and rocking him vigorously can stop a tantrum as it is starting if I catch it early enough. He just got a Sit and Spin and is getting a mini trampoline for his birthday, both of which are supposed to help. Chiropractic helps also, lessening the occurrence of the really long tantrums.

It is horribly frustrating. There is obviously a glitch in his system, but it doesn't show on the outside. All other people see is a screaming kid who is spoiled about getting things his own way. He doesn't have enough initials to qualify for state support, but needs support none-the-less. Sigh...

Why Bear is still a baby

Bear will be three in a couple of weeks now. He has been speaking in full sentences since he was a year old. He is HUGE compared to the other kids his age we know and yet I still call him a baby. Not a toddler, not a preschooler, but a baby.

People keep asking me why I call him a baby and I explain I did the same thing with Wolf. Until my kids tell me that they aren't babies anymore and that I shouldn't call them that they remain babies. When Wolf told me he wasn't a baby I stopped using that term for him.

The reasoning behind this is that our society pushes kids to grow up faster than is really healthy for them, in my opinion. Every aspect of many children's lives is scheduled. Even playing with other kids is written into the day planner as a "playdate." The problem becomes magnified when your kids are functioning several grades above their age. Kids get to be babies for such a small portion of their lives that I simply refuse to take that away from them before they let it go on their own. I know it probably isn't a conscious decision for them, but it is still their decision made on their own.

Davidson and Bunny

We just sent in Wolf's application to the Davidson Young Scholar Program. It is a program aimed at serving extremely gifted young people between the ages of five and eighteen. We're hoping that he will be able to meet more kids like himself and get help finding special programs. I'm am SO bad at waiting though. I am pretty sure he will qualify, but you never know. By the time the process is over, possibly as long as six weeks from now, I will undoubtedly be a nervous wreck.

So we go from how advanced Wolf is to how he is still only five years old. This evening I found our younger rat, Bunny, a blue dumbo hairless rat, dead in her cage. Brendan has lost pets before, but this was the first one he had really attached to. All the others have been fish or reptiles, not nearly as cuddly. He is so sad and so hurt and so, well just plain confused by all of it. He has all of these emotions and hasn't had the experience to understand what he is feeling. It hurts to watch him hurt and it doesn't help that I'm hurting too. She was an adorable and wonderful pet.

Tomorrow we are going to bury her in the back yard in our little cemetery. She'll have a blanket and some food and we will get to say goodbye. I've explained that the part of her that made her Bunny still exists, that it is just her body that died and now her body will be able to become part of the earth and the trees that grow nearby. I've told him she is alive in our hearts and memories and the part that made her Bunny will never die. It's a hard enough concept for adults to comprehend.

How many parents have had this conversation?

I had a conversation today with Wolf (almost 5 1/2 years old now) that I think will go down in the annals of history as the only time this particular conversation has and will EVER take place.

Wolf has been dragging his feet about schoolwork recently. We had FINALLY found a level of difficulty that wasn't too hard or too easy for him (or so I thought) and had cut down on things that he wasn't as interested in, so I was really at a loss.

Anyway today he was taking FOREVER to do a page of math that should take him only about 5-10 minutes because it was a new version of something he knew how to do. I asked him what was up and he burst into tears crying, "I wanna do 4th grade work. I wanna do 4th grade work. I wanna do 4th grade work." I cuddled and rocked him and asked, "But why?" He sniffled and replied, "Because I want more challenge."

I teared up and tried not to laugh at the same time. I mean, what do you say at a moment like that? I ended up telling him that I love him and that 4th grade work would be too frustrating for him until he learned to multiply and divide easily (I couldn't come up with anything else). It seemed to satisfy him though and he went back to his work and actually concentrated and got it done quickly.

I'm not sure I will ever get used to how unique our "normal" is

I'm not sure if it is a kind of denial or a necessary layer of protection for my sanity but I always have anxiety hit when someone takes my happy "normal" life and reminds me how far from average my "normal" is.

Today Wolf's teacher and I met with the school district psychologist who has YEARS of experience with GATE (Gifted and Talented Education) and even worked in a state that had GIEP's (Gifted Individual Education Plans, CA only has them for students with delays). She also raised a couple of gifted kids of her own so I figured she would have lots of experience with kids like Wolf. Wolf's teacher asked her about raising her gifted kids and she said they were nothing like Wolf or not in the same league or something else that made me feel very uncomfortably aware of how non-average he is. The psychologist is really hoping they can talk the district into allowing her to test him as soon as he turns six. I'm not complaining, a tester with years of experience testing bright kids is something I have heard is hard to come by. The thing that really got me was that she would so it tomorrow if she could!

They came up with several ideas to research to help Wolf with enrichment and socialization which was what I was hoping for. I got a lot out of the meeting and it was great to meet and talk to her, but it really brought home how out there we really are... When the gifted teachers/psychs are impressed it sort of tells you something. Sigh...

On another "normal" note, Bear can now turn on the computer, open up his profile, launch our browser and go to the site he wants in the bookmarks menu. He can also shut down the computer. All on his own. His third birthday is coming up next month a robot and Buzz Lightyear theme it seems...

I also tricked him into reading for me. We knew he could read having caught him doing so every now and then, but unlike his brother, he won't display his abilities when asked. In fact he says "I can't" to which we answer, "Yes, you can. We SAW you!" Anyway I was reading a book he had never seen before to him and was running my finger under the words. After the first few words I stopped reading and he started. He read the book to me twice when all was said and done. It was a one sentence per page type book, but I'm pretty impressed. Then he did some basic math for me in the car, 1+1, 2-1, 3+1. I hadn't known he could do math until then.

So these boys are my "normal" and it's all I can do to keep up with them. I don't force feed them calculus in their sleep or strap them to chairs and make them write term papers. Heck all I do is try to provide them with what they want and need. They just soak it all in like little sponges. It constantly amazes me how they can pick something up after only seeing it once or twice. They LOVE learning. They are so vibrant and full of interest and drive, it's just beautiful to experience it with them.