I will remain true to the person I know I am.
I will honor myself by not allowing myself to be pulled into drama.
Although the unpredictability and cruelty of the world may hurt,
I will not allow myself to be pulled down by it.
I will remain a kind, loyal, and supportive person throughout it all.
The universe made me who I am.
There is only one me.
I matter.
Friday, April 12, 2019
Is insecurity really a character flaw?
This world equates attractiveness with confidence and independence. There is a constant disparaging of insecurity. People call it being clingy and needy, a character flaw that needs to be "fixed" and anyone who cannot "fix" it or at the very least hide it semi-successfully is a failure on top of the crime of being insecure. This concept is no more than a hold over from when mental health care was electroshock therapy and real men didn't cry.
Lets break down the word itself. Insecure means "not secure" and secure in this instance means "not subject to threats, certain to remain safe and unharmed, stable, and free from anxiety." So basically being insecure means you do not feel safe, stable, and free from threat.
Say you are walking along and suddenly, with no warning at all, the ground gives out as you place your weight on it. You fall. It hurts. You try to figure out what happened so you can avoid falling next time. You pick yourself up and go on with a shrug. A while later, it happens again. Then at another point, again. And again. It gets to the point you never know which step will give out.
There is no pattern you can discern. You just know that every time you walk there is a chance you will end up losing your footing this way. Over time you learn to adapt somewhat. You figure out how to catch yourself up short when you feel the ground give way. You learn to walk more carefully, more slowly, always testing the ground. You see other people running freely without a care in the world because the ground never gives way for them, and you are envious and at the same time glad they have safe footing even if you do not.
Now you know what it is like to be insecure. You do not feel stable, or free from threats. You never know if the next step is safe or not. It does not make you a bad person. It does not make you less than or not good enough. It simply means that you are not in a space where you feel safe.
People with anxiety are by definition insecure. Anxiety is a glitch in the brain, an over active fight/flight response, which in many cases is caused by a history of trauma. You can move past insecurity (and anxiety) with time and patience, but it involves learning to trust that the ground will not give way without warning. That is a hard thing to do when the ground keeps randomly giving way. Think about the levels of courage and trust it takes someone to keep taking that next step knowing each time that it may be the one that drops them to the ground in pain again.
Many people can get from a place of insecurity to a place they feel secure if they work on it and if they have help and support, but insecurity is more often than not a symptom of lack of safety and stability in a person's life or past, not a character flaw and should be treated as such, not demeaned by the people who do not bother to understand it.
Lets break down the word itself. Insecure means "not secure" and secure in this instance means "not subject to threats, certain to remain safe and unharmed, stable, and free from anxiety." So basically being insecure means you do not feel safe, stable, and free from threat.
Say you are walking along and suddenly, with no warning at all, the ground gives out as you place your weight on it. You fall. It hurts. You try to figure out what happened so you can avoid falling next time. You pick yourself up and go on with a shrug. A while later, it happens again. Then at another point, again. And again. It gets to the point you never know which step will give out.
There is no pattern you can discern. You just know that every time you walk there is a chance you will end up losing your footing this way. Over time you learn to adapt somewhat. You figure out how to catch yourself up short when you feel the ground give way. You learn to walk more carefully, more slowly, always testing the ground. You see other people running freely without a care in the world because the ground never gives way for them, and you are envious and at the same time glad they have safe footing even if you do not.
Now you know what it is like to be insecure. You do not feel stable, or free from threats. You never know if the next step is safe or not. It does not make you a bad person. It does not make you less than or not good enough. It simply means that you are not in a space where you feel safe.
People with anxiety are by definition insecure. Anxiety is a glitch in the brain, an over active fight/flight response, which in many cases is caused by a history of trauma. You can move past insecurity (and anxiety) with time and patience, but it involves learning to trust that the ground will not give way without warning. That is a hard thing to do when the ground keeps randomly giving way. Think about the levels of courage and trust it takes someone to keep taking that next step knowing each time that it may be the one that drops them to the ground in pain again.
Many people can get from a place of insecurity to a place they feel secure if they work on it and if they have help and support, but insecurity is more often than not a symptom of lack of safety and stability in a person's life or past, not a character flaw and should be treated as such, not demeaned by the people who do not bother to understand it.
Why is one person's passion "less" simply due to level of education required?
Somethings about our world make no sense.
Everyone knocks fast food workers, but most people eat fast food. What if someone truly loved working in fast food? What if it was the job that gave them true fulfillment? They would be told it's an entry level job, that they need to spend tons of money and go to college to earn a degree in a field that is not nearly as fulfilling to them to get a job they hate just to make more money. They would be looked down on for fulfilling their passion, all the while treated as less then, and likely as unintelligent, simply due to their method of earning income.
Everyone knocks fast food workers, but most people eat fast food. What if someone truly loved working in fast food? What if it was the job that gave them true fulfillment? They would be told it's an entry level job, that they need to spend tons of money and go to college to earn a degree in a field that is not nearly as fulfilling to them to get a job they hate just to make more money. They would be looked down on for fulfilling their passion, all the while treated as less then, and likely as unintelligent, simply due to their method of earning income.
On the other hand, what if that is the only job someone can hold? What if that is where their skills lie and even with training and patience they will never be successful in another career? What about the people who went to trade schools instead of college? Those who work with their hands instead of their brains? And what about the people who simply do not care, the people who simply want to be service drones, put in their hours then go home and live their lives?
Why shouldn't someone be able to support themselves working in a job they truly love, even if it's one that isn't "good enough" in the eyes of society? Why do we honor people's passions with paychecks they can live on only if those passions need degrees from four year universities? Why does it require a college degree to earn enough money to support yourself "respectably"? Why would anyone think that there should be full time jobs that do not pay enough to support a person working diligently at them? We are not talking getting rich flipping burgers, simply able to pay for food, bills, medical care, and a roof over your head.
Everyone agrees that basic fast food work should not pay as much as a four (or more) year degree trained field, there is something to be said about rewarding the extra work, effort, expense, training, and skill involved after all, but why are the people who can and want to put in the extra time and money the only people who deserve to be treated respectably by the rest of society? Why are they the only ones who deserve the most basic of financial stability? Why are their passions the only ones society values? Why do we link income and education level to worthiness? Stop and think about it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)