Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotions. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 13, 2020
Masks and Manliness
I've been thinking about "manliness" and the whole "hold my beer!" mindset. I see fewer men than women wearing masks properly (or at all) in public. I've seen enough commentary to know that some guys think (in a very paraphrased for public consumption way) that wearing masks isn't "manly." This hurt my brain for a bit.
I think I get it now though. I think it's part of how toxic masculinity is affecting our men. They've been taught that to be "manly" you cannot show fear even in the face of terrifying things. You need to be able to work an 80 hr work week, pay all the bills, gun down all the baddies, chug a 12 pack, burp the alphabet backwards and then face down a charging lion, assured by your own male superiority that you WILL WIN! NO FEAR!!!
If you were raised steeped in this toxic stew of fear, even healthy respectful fear, equating to weakness then it makes sense to not wear a mask. It makes sense to want to reopen before safety measures are in place. You are the bread winner. You are the protector. You HAVE to be safe and prevail because any other option means you are weak and you can't be a guy and be weak...
It's so sad how much damage our culture has done to our men.
Wednesday, April 1, 2020
Sitting with Fear: Covid-19
Fear.
Fear is a thing most people rarely have to sit with.
Fear is a thing people avoid. They run from it. They close their eyes and pray it will go away.
Sometimes fear doesn't go away. Sometimes it is there to stay and nothing you do or say will convince it to leave.
Fear makes people want to lash out, to find a scapegoat, to find something, anything to blame and punish that might possibly make the fear go away so they no longer have be there, soaking in it, marinated by tears and anxiety and what ifs.
Fear is an unknown. It is about the unknown. It is about lack of answers, lack of stability, lack of safety.
Fear is that moment when you were little when you lost your parent in the store and had no idea where they were and if you would ever find them again. But then you did and all was well. That can't happen right now.
Right now we have to live with our fear, hold it's hand, comfort it like we would the little child crying because they lost their parent.
The thing is, it will get better. It might also get worse. It will very likely do both and possibly at the same time. That's a hard thing to digest, much the less accept.
Change happens. Change is scary. The unknown is scary. But Time also happens. Things change. You never step in the same river twice.
This isn't where we want to be. This isn't the life we want to be living, but it is the one we were dealt. We get to choose the cards to play, make the best of a bad hand and do our best to find some little bits of good among the fear.
Like with a chronic illness, it's not about what you've lost. It's about what you are still able to do. Mourn your losses and then focus on your strengths. Focus on what you CAN, not what you can't.
You have the choice every single moment of every single day to choose good. You aren't perfect. You won't get it right all the time and that's ok. Just try to choose the good over the bad as often as you can.
Learn to live with your fear, to comfort it when it cries out in terror at our current world. Know that you aren't alone. We are all here in this together. The world will get though this and will keep on turning.
Fear is a thing most people rarely have to sit with.
Fear is a thing people avoid. They run from it. They close their eyes and pray it will go away.
Sometimes fear doesn't go away. Sometimes it is there to stay and nothing you do or say will convince it to leave.
Fear makes people want to lash out, to find a scapegoat, to find something, anything to blame and punish that might possibly make the fear go away so they no longer have be there, soaking in it, marinated by tears and anxiety and what ifs.
Fear is an unknown. It is about the unknown. It is about lack of answers, lack of stability, lack of safety.
Fear is that moment when you were little when you lost your parent in the store and had no idea where they were and if you would ever find them again. But then you did and all was well. That can't happen right now.
Right now we have to live with our fear, hold it's hand, comfort it like we would the little child crying because they lost their parent.
The thing is, it will get better. It might also get worse. It will very likely do both and possibly at the same time. That's a hard thing to digest, much the less accept.
Change happens. Change is scary. The unknown is scary. But Time also happens. Things change. You never step in the same river twice.
This isn't where we want to be. This isn't the life we want to be living, but it is the one we were dealt. We get to choose the cards to play, make the best of a bad hand and do our best to find some little bits of good among the fear.
Like with a chronic illness, it's not about what you've lost. It's about what you are still able to do. Mourn your losses and then focus on your strengths. Focus on what you CAN, not what you can't.
You have the choice every single moment of every single day to choose good. You aren't perfect. You won't get it right all the time and that's ok. Just try to choose the good over the bad as often as you can.
Learn to live with your fear, to comfort it when it cries out in terror at our current world. Know that you aren't alone. We are all here in this together. The world will get though this and will keep on turning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)